Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Square Peg, Round Hole Relationships

This one gets a lot of very emotional, animated, and occasionally angry responses. But, it’s just how I feel. I had a friend email me the other day and ask about marriage. "Does it suck? Is there sex? Everyone I know who is married is miserable and tells me horror stories."

This is not the first time it’s been asked, and it’s not the last time it'll be asked, but my answer, is always the same.

I have been married for 7 years, 8 this coming October, and here is my philosophy on the bitties that hate being married and don't get laid. Marriage is only hard if you're married to the wrong person. (That's right I said it, don't hate) I call it my square peg, round hole relationship theory.

I don't believe that relationships take work...if they take work...it’s the wrong person. Sure you compromise sometimes, on the little things, as with any friendship. What you never compromise is WHO you are, because if you can't be yourself at home, with the person who knows you best and loves you the most.....then where do you decompress, and be yourself.

Here's the thing, if you're with the right person its not work to be with them. If you're in a solid relationship, that relationship doesn't take a magical turn for the worst when you get the legal paperwork, it also won't magically get better. It is what it is regardless of if you are actually married. We spend time together and have a little time apart. Some shared interest some totally different. We have sex (which is saying something considering now we have a kid AND we're married *gasp*) I do not feel claustrophobic in my house, and I do not feel like I need to escape.

My husband and I met working retail. We started dating in October, were engaged by April, and married the following October on our one year anniversary. I'm sure there were a lot of people that figured we were to young, too head strong, too quick, and probably knocked up. Sometimes, you just know something is right, deep down in the gut. (Listen to that gut, it'll tell you when something's wrong too) I've loved every minute of our journey so far, and I'm looking forward to many more adventures.

I imagine, that being married is no different than living with someone, aside from the legal aspects. Of course there's the awkward transitional months at the beginning where you have to get used to having someone in your space....but I love being married...I wouldn't change it for the world. Anyone who say's otherwise needs to examine their relationship closely. There's something very comforting about knowing you have a partner ready to hold your hand and walk through the fire, or picnic in a park, or dance in a meadow if needed.

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person."


  1. I agree 100%! You only live once, and it would be a shame to spend what little time we have trying to be someone we are not or trying to change someone else into who we wish they were. There's a round peg out there somewhere.

  2. You are so right sweetie. Bill & I only knew each other 6 months when we got married...and here we are 22 years later. Not to say that there hasn't been difficult time, no marriage is without those. But when you love someone, it just works.

  3. I agree 100%! You only live once, and it would be a shame to spend what little time we have trying to be someone we are not or trying to change someone else into who we wish they were. There's a round peg out there for everyone somewhere.

  4. Hi !I've been with my husband Alex since 1982, together for 5 years and married since 1987.A long standing relstionship involves hard work, tolerance,patience and the ability to grow together and enjoy the growth in each other.We are best friends as well as husband and wife.When my daughter was born 21 years ago (this weekend on 16th May I was diagnosed with MS 2 months after her birth.Alex was my rock and coped calmly with a baby, his job and a very ill wife.It made us stronger.I am still in a good state of health and mobile and our girl is living away at university .We are enjoying this phase of togetherness and planning to travel to E-cities in Europe.He does not follow my spiritual path but is supportive and loves the social part of it.He is truly an example of unconditional love.In one sentence a good marriage is where you accept someone for exactly who they are and they accept you .